May 30, 2025 The Cause and Cure of Quarrels – Words of Grace Blog – May 30, 2025
Whenever a conflict or quarrel arises our first question is, “Who caused it?” We’ve all heard the reprimanded child’s cry of defense, “…but he started it!” Maybe that’s still our defense, even as adults.
But does determining who started the conflict really settle the issue of its cause. What caused the instigator of the conflict to start it in the first place? We find the answer to that in many places in the Bible.
Proverbs gives many causes for conflict among people. Anger, greed, dishonesty, meddling in other’s business, and back-biting are several reasons people quarrel and contend with each other. But it’s the book of James that sums up the cause of conflict most succinctly.
“Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be chaos and evil practices… What causes quarrels and conflicts among you? Is it not your passions that are at wage war within you (James 3:16, 4:1)?”
Wherever conflicts and quarrels arise, the first place to look is within the heart. There, within at least one person is some form and expression of selfishness. When the other person receives and reacts to this “self” expression with more of the same, the result is a fight. Who started the fight is no longer the issue. Selfish ambition has taken over and rules in the hearts of all.
Self-hyphenated sins are the cause of conflicts.
What is the cure? James helps us here, too. “The wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy, bears good fruit, is impartial and sincere… Draw near to God… cleanse your hands… purify your hearts… humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you (James 3:17, 4:8-10).
The cure for conflicts is first to humbly repent of our pride of self and trust Christ who died for our sin. He is our resolve to the conflict we are in with God over our sin. He humbled himself and gave of himself to bring us back to God, no longer in the conflict of sin but in the peace of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21).
Then, at peace with God, we relate to others with the wisdom of God which makes for peace (James 3:18). When we are on the receiving end of another’s selfishness, we refuse to repay in kind (1 Peter 3:9). We take full advantage of the ways to address and redress the harm done to us that are according to God’s wisdom, but we refuse to fall into the patterns of speech and behavior that perpetuate the quarrels and conflicts. As far as it depends on us, we live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18).
Life is challenging and relationships are hard. But we are in Christ and Christ in us provides the resources we need (Colossians 1:27). This will not be easy. Death to self will be required. But we have already died with Christ and have been raised with him. We can put off quarreling and put on love (Colossians 3:1-14). Christ will be honored, and people will be helped when we do.
This Sunday at Grace Community Church we will hear more from Proverbs on the causes and cures for conflict. This weekend, spend time in prayer preparing your heart for God’s word.
-Scott